Sail Away with Me Read online

  Julian gazed down at her, not speaking, not moving.

  Her lips felt dry and she ran the tip of her tongue across them to moisten them, then wondered if he’d think she was trying to be seductive.

  She’d participated in just-okay kisses during her fourth year at UVic, when Shelley and her boyfriend had fixed Iris up with a friend of his for a few double dates. He’d been a nice enough guy and Iris had worked hard at overcoming her shyness, encouraging him to talk about himself. Though she hadn’t been attracted to him, she’d let him kiss her and touch her breasts, hoping she’d feel something, and tired of being so inexperienced. She mimicked kisses she’d read about in romance novels, but arousal never stirred and she wondered if something was wrong with her. At the end of their sixth date, he’d said, “You’re not that into me, are you?”

  She’d stumbled over her tongue, apologizing and saying it wasn’t him, he was a great guy, but he’d cut her off with, “It’s okay. I’m not that into you either.”

  Iris was into Julian, and he said he was into her. Kissing him would be different. But what was he waiting for?

  He bent his head and touched his lips to her forehead.

  Now that he’d made the first move, she came up on her toes, enjoying the soft, warm brush of flesh on flesh and longing for more. Next, he kissed the tip of her nose, and she caught her breath, holding entirely still except for the delicate trembling that took over her body.

  Now his lips were on hers, the barest whisper of tantalizing sensation.

  She ran out of breath and exhaled, air rushing from her nostrils and pushing her lips apart. Julian’s parted, too, shaping to hers, and his tongue caressed the sensitive inner lining of her lower lip. But that was as far as he went, just tilting his head to mate their mouths more perfectly but not thrusting inside hers with his tongue.

  The delicate touches were the most sensual thing she’d ever felt. She and Julian were barely in contact. Only their lips, their clasped hands, and the fabric of their clothing. Now the quivering that fluttered through her body was a hot pulse of desire.

  His hands released hers, his lips slipped away, and her racing heart slowed with a thud of disappointment. She was such a novice, she must have disappointed him. Ducking her head, she tried to frame an apology.

  Before she could, his hands were on her again, framing her face, tilting it gently so she met his gaze. What she saw there stole her breath: a heat to match the arousal she felt, and tenderness as well.

  “Yes,” he said in a low, husky voice, “I want more. But no, I think we should leave it there, a perfect first verse.”

  “Will there be a second verse?” she dared to ask.

  One corner of his mouth tilted up. “With you for inspiration, I’d say that’s inevitable.”

  * * *

  The next day, Iris’s phone rang while she was doing tai chi. Normally, she’d have ignored it but this morning she couldn’t resist checking. Her heart raced as she answered. “Good morning, Julian.” Last night, she had kissed this man!

  “Morning, Iris. Have I caught you at a bad time?”

  “No. I’m off work this morning. I’m taking the afternoon and evening shifts at the store. We have a guest author tonight, a mystery writer from Vancouver who’s doing a reading, and signing her new release. Forbes has started reading mysteries, hasn’t he? Perhaps you might come, and get a book for him?” And she could see Julian.

  “Thanks, but I don’t think so. Would you get a book autographed for him, though, and I’ll pay for it next time I see you?”

  “Of course. Uh, when might that be?”

  “Luke called me last night.”

  That was not an answer to her question. Puzzled, she said, “Oh?”

  “Miranda told him we’re seeing each other.”

  She groaned. “Of course she did. What did he say?”

  “Basically, that you’re one of the truly nice people, and I shouldn’t mess with you.”

  “Gah!” The sound of frustration escaped, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. “Sorry, that was rude. I appreciate Luke’s concern, but I can look after myself. How did you respond?”

  “I told him I think you’re great, I respect you, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that. Did he back off?”

  “Nope. He was under orders from Miranda.”

  “She’s my friend,” Iris said indignantly. “She shouldn’t try to sabotage our relationship.”

  “Actually, she told him that if we planned to keep seeing each other, she wanted us to come over for dinner.”

  “Oh.” Socializing with friends as a couple. She hadn’t done that since the few times back in university. “I guess that’s what people do,” she said hesitantly. “At least it’s what they do when they’re dating. But we’re not exactly dating.”

  “We’re not?”

  “To me, dating means serious, possibly headed toward a long-term commitment. We agree that’s not possible.” Despite her regret. “I would say we’re seeing each other as friends.”

  “With a little physical intimacy thrown in for fun.” His husky voice had a seductively teasing note that warmed her more than her tai chi workout had.

  “Like the whipped cream on the apple crisp,” she agreed. Transforming something wonderful into a treat that was even more luscious.

  “Make that ice cream, and I’ll share your dessert.”

  A shiver of lust rippled through her. She dared to respond with, “Why don’t we be decadent and have both?”

  “I’m gonna hold you to that. In the meantime, what do you think about the dinner? Tomorrow night, if that works for you.”

  Friday. She wasn’t scheduled for the evening shift. Though she’d have preferred to spend time alone with Julian, her friendship with Miranda was important. Also, Iris wanted Julian to have a closer relationship with his stepbrother. “Yes, I think we should accept.”

  “Maybe it’ll get them off our backs.”

  Her lips twisted in a grin. Did he really not understand the nature of female friendship?

  He went on. “I’ll pick you up, if you don’t mind the old B-B-Zee van.”

  “Ooh, I get to ride in a band van,” she said, only half joking. “You didn’t bring a car to the island?”

  “I don’t own a car. Don’t need one in Vancouver. The Julian Blake Band has a van for touring, but it lives at Roy and Camille’s house.”

  She nodded, and wondered whether Julian would take her straight home after dinner, or perhaps find a secluded parking spot, for a little decadent dessert. She raised a hand to her mouth, smothering a laugh at thinking like such a teenager. But maybe she was due. As a teen, there’d been no hot, sensitive guy like Julian in her life.

  * * *

  On Friday evening, Julian staggered to the playroom at Luke’s house with his four-year-old nephews dragging at one jean-clad leg and little Ariana hanging off the other. He’d been delegated the task of getting the kids settled with a game or video so the adults could clean up the kitchen and then retire to the front room for grownup conversation. The boys were pretending to protest, and Miranda’s three-year-old mimicked the twins.

  When Julian opened the door to the playroom, two dogs greeted them with happy dances. Both were rescues, by his veterinarian stepbrother. The three-legged, medium-sized female with a blond coat was Cinnamon. Pigpen was a tiny, ancient gray-and-white male that resembled a dust mop. The kids abandoned Julian to hug their pets and he stood back to watch the happy mess of wagging tails, licking tongues, busy hands, and little-kid smiles.

  They were great kids, all three of them, and as Julian had watched Luke and Miranda with them at dinner, he’d seen that the adults and kids had already formed a family. Despite Miranda’s troubled past and Luke’s grief over his wife’s death, Julian’s gut told him the new family would make a go of it. And what must that feel like?

  Some wounds could, over time, make a person stronger, as had happened
with both Luke and Miranda. Often, Julian thought that was true for him. But then he’d get a reality check: like when he got nauseous just seeing the storefront of Island Realty. Deep down, he really was like the old guitar pick he toted around: mended, but not truly whole; fragile enough to break again under pressure.

  Away from Destiny, though . . . If he never had to face or even think about Jelinek again, might he, like Luke, find happiness and peace and build a family?

  No. God, what was he thinking? His story wouldn’t have some pretty ending like in Iris’s novels. A guy with his rotten core—his damned complicity in whatever abuse Jelinek continued to perpetrate—could never find peace and would never deserve true happiness.

  “Uncle Julian!” Brandon’s demanding voice broke into his thoughts. “Play trucks!”

  Julian drew in a quavering breath and forced the darkness aside. Obediently, he lowered himself to the floor, gently moved Pigpen out of the way, chose a blue truck, and tried to figure out the kids’ game.

  The kids. His nephews and soon-to-be niece. They were his family, like Forbes, Sonia, Luke, and he guessed also Miranda now. If he wanted to be in their lives, he couldn’t completely escape Destiny and the ever-present pall cast by Jelinek’s existence. If only the asshole would catch a horrendous, agonizingly painful disease and die, so he could never abuse another boy.

  A quiet feminine voice said, “Julian?”

  He looked up to see Iris in the doorway. The sight of her was like cool water on burned flesh, soothing the pain in his soul. “Hey,” he said with a smile. She looked like her namesake flower tonight, in an iris-printed blouse over slim-fitting sage-green pants. Her hair was down, a black silk frame for her lovely face.

  She returned his smile. “Ready to come play with the grown-ups?”

  He rose. “I could be persuaded.” This woman could persuade him to do almost anything.

  “You kids and dogs behave yourselves,” Julian said, and then closed the door on them. Taking Iris’s hand, he said, “Doing okay?”

  When they’d first arrived at Luke’s house and seen that not only Miranda and the kids were there, but also Miranda’s brother Aaron and his wife, Eden, Iris had gripped his hand tightly, her tension palpable. But he’d seen her swallow, breathe deeply a few times, and gradually relax.

  Now she dropped her head to brush her cheek against his shoulder, a unique Iris gesture that made him feel special. “Yes. I’m sorry for being so silly earlier. I’m such a coward.”

  He put his arm around her. “Don’t call yourself silly, or a coward. Everyone has fears.” He almost went on to say that she was braver than he, but then she’d have asked what he meant. “You’re having a good time?”

  “I am. Dinner was an experience, having three little kids at the table.”

  “They have a lot of energy. I admire Luke and Miranda for how well they cope.”

  “It seems to me each family has its own character. Luke and Miranda and their children are figuring out theirs, and it’s high energy. My family meals as a child were much different. We’re a quiet family.”

  “No mealtime conversation?” he asked as they walked down the wide hall with its satiny cherrywood floor.

  “Oh yes, but more disciplined. I knew from an early age that there were rules.”

  “What kind of rules?”

  “Politeness, respect, orderliness. Within those constraints, I was encouraged to share my experiences, to ask questions, to offer opinions.”

  “Civilized discourse,” he said. Hard to imagine boisterous Brandon engaging in such a thing, but Caleb, the more reflective twin, would probably be into it. “Growing up with Forbes as a dad, there weren’t many rules, but respect was one of them. Opinions and questions were encouraged. Often, we shared meals with other musicians, and it was a varied, interesting group. I learned a lot from those men and women.”

  “Forbes was a good father.”

  “Yeah.”

  Julian and Iris stepped into the front room, a large one with a high, slanted ceiling, an impressive fireplace, and huge windows looking out onto the deck and the ocean beyond. Though the home’s architectural design was spectacular, Luke’s furniture was modest and practical. Comfortable, too, Julian thought as he and Iris seated themselves on a khaki-colored couch that faced the view. Eden and Aaron, on a two-seater sofa, greeted them. Tonight was the first time Julian had met the dark-haired pilot’s wife, and he liked her. Eden was attractive, with walnut-brown hair and amber eyes, and, as he’d learned at dinner, smart and perceptive as well.

  Miranda and Luke came into the room, bringing mugs as well as milk and sugar. She handed a mug to Julian. “Full-test coffee, as requested.”

  The next mug went to Iris and he saw that it was tea, pale yellow-green, with some leaves in it. The scent was nice, more like flowers than a beverage. “What is that?”

  “Jasmine tea. I introduced Miranda to it. Want to taste?”

  He clung to his mug of dark, strong brew. “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.”

  She laughed, a melodic sound that braided together with the affectionate gleam in her eyes and the sweet, delicate scent of her tea, creating one of life’s rare perfect moments. His muse filed that one away.

  “How did I know you’d say that?” she teased.

  Yeah, he was predictable, and he did like his caffeine. He grinned at her, had a sip of coffee, and glanced up. Luke had seated himself in a big chair. Miranda, a mug cradled in both hands, was curled up on a cushion on the floor, leaning against his legs. The two of them, and Aaron and Eden, were silent, watching Julian and Iris. Were they judging him, thinking Iris was crazy to let a man like him into her life? Maybe she was, but she was a smart, sensitive woman, and the decision was hers.

  Eden cleared her throat. “Every time I come here, I’m amazed by this house.”

  Miranda nodded vigorously. “Me too. I can’t believe I live here. Thank God Annie and Randall approve of me, or they might take back the house.”

  Julian knew that Candace’s wealthy parents had given their daughter and Luke the spectacular waterfront home as a wedding present. “Yeah, it’s quite the place,” he said. “My home’s a basement flat off Commercial Drive, dark and chilly but at least soundproofed.” He did okay financially, but only okay, and he wasn’t home enough to care about more than having the basics, plus a place to create and practice music.

  “Ah, the glamorous life of a star,” Luke teased. “But on the other hand, you have the travel and fans, not to mention a couple of those pretty JUNO awards to brighten up your dingy apartment.” He shook his head and grinned. “Sure wouldn’t trade you. And vice versa, I know.”

  “That’s for sure,” Julian said flippantly. The truth was, he would trade for some parts of Luke’s life, if he could also have his music career.

  “Do you two have anything in common?” Eden asked, sounding genuinely curious. “I mean, aside from Sonia and Forbes?”

  “Probably not,” Luke said.

  “That’s not true,” Miranda said. “You both lost a parent when you were young. Your dad died when you were ten, right, Luke? And Julian, your mom wasn’t in your life, was she?”

  “No, she ran out on Forbes and me when I was four. I don’t really remember her.”

  “At least I had my dad for ten years,” Luke said. “He was a great father. We were very close.” If Julian’s stepbrother was thinking that at least his parent didn’t voluntarily leave him, he was kind enough not to say it.

  “And then the poor guy got cancer,” Julian said. “Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, right?”

  Luke nodded, his greenish-gray eyes as sad as rainclouds. “It took a year—one utterly shitty year—to kill him.”

  “I’m sure that was terrible for you, Luke,” Iris said sympathetically, and Julian guessed she was thinking about her grandmother’s painful battle with ALS. “How long after that,” she asked, “was it until your mom met Forbes?”

  “Two years.”

  “That
must have been very hard,” she said. Her hand slipped into Julian’s and it felt like a subtle hint.

  He had been so caught up in his own angst back then, he’d never spared a thought for what Luke was going through. “Oh man, yeah. Losing your dad like that, and then Forbes coming along, not a replacement, but . . . whatever. And him toting me along, a sullen kid who hated leaving Victoria and the life we lived there.”

  “And hated having someone come between you and your father,” Iris said.

  In the chair across the room, Luke blinked. “You and Forbes were close after your mother left?”

  “Yeah. He was a great dad.”

  “Then you had to share him with Mom and me.”

  “Yeah.” Julian gave a wry smile. “Though it seems to me the two of them were their own little sunshine-and-rainbows unit, without much room for either of us.”

  Luke nodded. “They were.”

  Iris squeezed Julian’s hand gently, and he felt compelled to carry on the conversation. This was the first time he and Luke had talked about the past, and he didn’t want to lose the opportunity. “And you had Candace and your other friends.”

  Luke grimaced. “Sorry, I guess we shut you out.”

  “You had no reason to take me in.” With his gaze still on Luke, he intertwined his fingers with Iris’s.

  “Being stepbrothers should have been enough. But I was an unhappy kid, losing Dad, then Mom being seriously depressed for a couple years. It was Candace who got me through. Her and Viola, the veterinarian. So when Mom got all wrapped up in Forbes, I stuck with my support network and was oblivious to what you were going through.” He coughed. “Sorry, man.”

  When Julian lost Forbes to Sonia, it created a hole inside him. One that Bart Jelinek had been all too willing to fill with his poison. Jelinek had preyed on his vulnerability by making Julian feel important and cared for. Then he’d exploited and corrupted his innocence, even made Julian believe he deserved to be abused. Maybe if Luke and Candace had invited Julian into their circle, he wouldn’t have been such an easy victim.